Jingles... confessions of an ad guy

Let us mourn the disappearance of the memorable jingle. Love 'em or hate 'em, it's brand recognition you can't scrape off the inside of your skull with a spatula. Preferable to the regurgitated and reworked oldies repurposed for marketing duty these days... there's a special place in hell reserved for the agency that decided to appropriate "Taking Care of Business" by Bachman Turner Overdrive to shill for Staples. As if I wasn't sick of the song enough already, and as if the reference wasn't so obvious it would work for Office Depot, Business Spigot, or any office supply chain. Fails on a basic level: doesn't differentiate Staples from their competitors. Plus it's annoying as hell.

I've ingrained my childhood jingles into my 13 year-old daughter's head, where they wait to be sprung on her children (who will have absolutely no reference for them). If you're under 50, you will find the following the ravings of a lunatic. If you're over 50, feel free to sing along:

Oh Fab, we're glad they put extra freshened Borax in you!

How do ya handle a hungry man? The ManHandlers! Campbell's Soups that have what it takes to handle a hungry maaaa-aaan!

You get a lot to like with a Marlboro! Filter, flavor, pack or box!

Youuuuu caaaaaan... take Salem out of the country BUT! You can't take the country out of Salem!

You'll wonder where the yellow went, when you brush your teeth with Pepsodent!

Toniiiiiiiiight, toniiiiiiiiiight... let it be Lowenbrau.

From the land of sky blue waters, comes the beer refreshing. Mmmmmmm...Hamm's!

Iiiiiiiiit's raisins, that make, Post Raisin Bran so wonderful, it's raisins, that make, Post Raisin Bran so marvelous, MORE RAISINS! LOTS MORE RAISINS! MOOOOOOORE RAISINS! THAN YOU HAVE EVER SEEN BEFORE if you like raisins, fat, juicy raisins, you'll like Post Raisin Bran more!

And 40 years before texting was invented... there was LSMFT.